'Worry is a story you tell yourself and nothing more..'

Life is just one big Worry with a capital W and most people don’t even notice that they are living in this Worry. Well maybe some of them do. I do. And when I recognize it I scream, I stop and think, I rewind, I remember, I feel lost, I try to understand why Worry is taking over and I tell myself I won’t let it again. And a few hours latter it is back creeping behind the corner with an ominous grin waiting for the right moment to sink into my daily thoughts and inside conversations.

It’s not that we don’t see it or we need to understand that there is no point to it, some people do, I don’t but some do and they still give in. Not worrying is one of the hardest things a human soul could accomplish in a life time. It’s a personal goal each must set to achieve for their time here on planet Earth. I am happy to announce that I have set this goal to be on the top of my list and every single day I struggle to get one step closer to victory. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do but my mind is firmly set on it, especially now in my hardest times.

I turn 20 tomorrow and as crazy it may sounds I am a bit scared to step trough the door of the big 2. Things haven’t been going as I wish them to. I skipped a year from collage and now I’m trying hard to get back on that track, money is tight but when was that different, I’ve gained many new friends which now are probably the best part of my life, the one thing I can’t breath without and I am grateful I’ve found them and it’s really hard when they are not around, love is trying to ignore me as usual and bringing me down occasionally but that is the one thing I am more used to than anything else. 20 is a new step for everyone. As much as I hate to say it I’m not a kid anymore, I haven’t been one in ages and I miss it so much. Of course I try and bring back to life the child in me every single day and it is magical, yes, but life is still out there and it’s much to dangerous for my inner child and I must keep it safe and alive as much as possible. I will miss teen era but I am grateful that the best part of it sticks to your back and follows you around for the next 30 or 40 years: drama. No, drama is not bad, it’s the most exiting thing a teenage boy or girl could ever experience and I am grateful I have had a very good dosage of it so far.

20 is going to be hard and tomorrow I will drink to it and as I blow my one candle I required I will not wish for anything I will make myself a promises. I will promises to hit Worry in the nuts every time I catch it following me and I promises to be more aware of Worry so that I could hit it in the nuts more often because what better way to put a smile on your face than to hit the worst thing in your life in the nuts?

With this said I am prepared to step through 20’s door and take what ever comes my way and duck if it tries to bull’s eyes my head.

'There is only Love. Everything else is our resistance to it.' -Terces Englehart

Morning feels like London..

No matter that I am stuck here in Sofia and not off to bask my unnaturally white skin on a beautiful and heated beach doesn’t mean that I am not enjoying summertime. Actually I’ve been doing all sorts of enjoying even when I am supposed to be buried in heavy English Grammar books. Park parties and drinking refreshing drinks, and listening to someone talented playing the guitar until the sun goes down has been all over my schedule these days. Relaxation is the code word for this week’s activities.

What could spoil such well planed vacation in a middle of a vacation, you might ask? Well almost nothing except when every single day you have planed to spend outdoors in the exhilarating moments of the summer it is raining like someone has cut open the skies.
Not that I have something against rain, not at all, actually I am really grateful that the skies are so worried about our crops survival in the blistering heat of the summer, that they care enough to bring us so much rain that can almost flood our fields but not quite.

One of my life long dreams is been to visit London and to feel the life bubbling in the beautiful cloudy city veins. Now every single morning when I open my eyes and it’s so damn dark and cloudy out side that no matter that is 10 a.m. you think it’s still too early I actually start to feel like I am waking up in London.

Actually I am grateful for this anxious feeling because it might as well be the closest feeling I’ll get of London so far, so I thank the skies for bringing me on step closer to my dream.

I wish you a not so rainy and not to summery weekend and may the skies help your dreams come true as well.