I miss our perfect lazy moments in the nothingness of our not so wasted time.

Loneliness invades not because I have no warm hands to hold my face, no smiling eyes to gaze into mine, no arms to hold my shivering body at night until I sail away into my dreams, no legs to tangle up with mine in a perfect tracery but also because I have no one to tell how my day was, what I dreamed about the night before, what I thought about the movie I last watched. All those little things I tell you when your eyes run across my body, when your fingers strike my hair, when we lay in bed doing nothing, wasting time. Thou I don't believe our time is wasted when we do nothing all day, maybe you do, maybe you have no patience to leave, or maybe not. I have the best time of my life in those moments of nothing. It's in them that I can tell you all these things that now I only imagine how I would, or just watch you silently and sigh in satisfaction. Now I have a lot of spare time to think and it worries my mind what is going through yours, what are your thoughts in those perfect moments of mine, are they the same for you, you never tell me, I only try to guess, I only hope. But that is not what my mind is troubling me with. It's what I realize is the precious part of the moments of nothingness, why I wait around for you, why I miss you that much more. Because I need to share with you, to tell you the stupid and meaningless things running through my mind each second, no matter how stupid they are, no matter where you are. Do I do that when you are with me, I can't recall, I don't seem to have the need when we are together. I wish you'd had the same need, maybe you do, maybe you don't, I have no way of knowing, you never seem to want to tell me. That is not important, I usually want and wish for way to much and I do it only when you are away because I have too much time to ponder and I don't want to do that because I have something perfect with you regardless of what you have with me, something I never dreamed of having, I'm probably the only one in it, I guess it's way different for you but that doesn't matter any more, I am over it. From now on I will only try to keep what I have and enjoy it for me, stop questioning what it means to you. I will question only am I enough, am I doing everything for you, do you have everything I can give you and can I give more. This is what's important. I won't be greedy any more. I have hope someday I will have it all and I will hope I will have it all with you. And I will miss you every time, like I do now and not just your warm hands that hold my face, your smiling eyes that gaze into mine, your arms that hold my shivering body at night until I sail away into my dreams, your legs that tangle up with mine in a perfect tracery, but I will also miss our perfect lazy moments in the nothingness of our not so wasted time. I miss you.